Yo!

I should have written something last night but I figured that sleep is more important so...

I have nothing to write about now.

Currently I'm watching Goblin. Cheese in The Trap, I like the webtoon version more so I think there's no need for me to watch the tv drama adaptation. The casts are great but it seems like something is missing form the drama. I'm not sure what it is. Everyone looks so much better in the webtoon. And I think Jung's character is treated unfairly in the drama.

In the webtoon, he just did as he thought was right. He wanted to get back at people who he thought crossed the line because he thinks he's always the victim. It seemed like he loved Seol more in the webtoon but in the drama, it only looked as if he was trying to take advantage of Seol. This scene and that scene is contradicting each other and it gets confusing when you've read the webtoon.

I've already heard the rumor that the drama is too different from the webtoon and yes, I confirm that rumor. It's too different. Only the characters look the same. Good job for that!

With that, I end my entry today. Bye!

So hey!

I'm amazed at people who are in love. It's so beautiful. They're so beautiful.

A story plot...I haven't thought of it for a long time.

I have nothing else I'm good at.

I have so many things that I think is unfair but I know something good will come out of it. I've read too many stories to know that fact.

You have to divert your thoughts. Don't think about yourself too much. Think about ideas. Yes, ideas.

What happened to the cheerful me? The me who wanted to build a house in the mountains of Norway.

I'm thinking of a story plot and I think it's really good but based on stories I've read, if I present that story idea to publishers, they're sure to reject it.

I want to write it here but yeah, I'm worried if someone will see it and  take the idea. I'll be so damn furious if that happens.

You know, that one time I wrote a whole story and suddenly the computer shut down by itself. I cried right then and there and shouted like a madman in front of my family, you know? I just lost control.

But I'm glad I had that moment at least once. It's like, something writers have in common.

Sure, I want to be a writer. And I will, at least, make this dream a reality.

I don't have anything to say.

So I made a mistake. I shouldn't have treated this thing as my diary. Maybe I should erase that link I put there.

I'm just afraid that this blog will remain hidden forever. And once I'm dead, this blog will also be gone. Along with the thoughts written in it.

It's not that I'm looking forward to die, it's just that, I can't help thinking. What will happen to the world I left after I die?

Maybe I shouldn't think too much about it. It just indicates that I love the worldly life more.

But how can someone love the worldly life full of pain and lies when you can live peacefully and full of joy in heaven?

Of course, paradise. It's a bit difficult but not impossible. Think of it as an excellent exam results. You can struggle and cry for your exam, why don't you do the same for Jannah?

I'm not one to say because I'm lazy in chasing both. It's like I'm in the sure lane going to hell. But well, let's try our best, okay?

And wow, I'm hungry.

Today! Kyouwa!

Hey, you know Utakata-sama? He dead already.

*cry bucket of tears*

Anyway, Naruto has made me cry for days already I hope it's not ruining my face. Not ruining my face means people won't look at me and say "This girl has depression." something like that.

I believe I do not have depression because depression is practically numbness. Right? Is it?

But not really. My father said he has seen a lot of people that is diagnosed with depression but the behavior of each of them is different.

And once I actually say something mean about people diagnosed with depression in front of my mom and she quickly corrected me. I'm just glad that my parents are the contemporary type of people.

My parents hate hearing the word 'hate' coming from us siblings. So, if we express our hatred too much, they will quickly give us some advice. They tell us to take a look at the situation from a different perspective. We usually tell them that we hate this certain certain person, and they will try to justify that person's action but it's not that they are mad that we hate that person. They just don't want us to hate too much.

Hate is poisonous.

They say overdoing something is always bad. No matter it is dunia or akhirat, entertainment or education, DO NOT overdo something.

Yes, do not.

And it's never too late to do something, especially if it's something good. We have that hadis but I'm too afraid in case it's wrong because I don't really know so I won't say anything specific. But it kinda goes like this :

"If you have a seed (means it will later grow and become a tree), and you know that the next day is the end of the world, plant that seed."

So, applying it in my situation, there are just like 2 days more before my examination and I know I haven't been preparing properly for it but during these 2 days, I will try my best and give it my all so that maybe, Allah will pity me and give me success.

And Allah is the Most Merciful.

I know I have been lacking in Ibadah and study, but I don't really want it. The me right now is like Jellal Fernandes in Fairy Tail when he was being manipulated by Ultear. He doesn't want it but he's doing it willingly because he's being manipulated. I'm too weak if I'm being manipulated, right?

And also, the stories my father told me, I forgot all of them already. My father is indeed a better listener than my mother. I wonder who listens to my father. But maybe, he doesn't really have anything to tell either.

He's always nagging at my brother and sister for not being able to start a conversation with me through the phone but when my father and I are alone in the car, it is me who had to think of something to start the conversation.

hahah.

I think of many things. And I just wish that I won't be bringing them all to my grave.

Mitsuketazo!

I found it, how I want to live my life.

Earlier I watched the death of Jiraiya's scene. And it was so damn inspiring. I curled into a ball, crying watching that scene.

But some of his words can be taken into consideration.

Then another thought popped up in my head. Is there any stories like this among Islamic tokoh?

Of course there is! I just have to search for it.

And maybe my way of life can be a little bit guided.

Your thoughts alone is not enough, do you know? There are rules and you have to follow those rules. That's why I was admitted into MRSM KoPu for 5 years. To understand this.

So how I want to live my life? I told you earlier that I want to write books right? That's why The Tale of the Gallant Jiraiya inspired me so much.

I also want to travel around writing books. And become great at whatever I'm doing. If you ask me what my life goal is, I think it's close to that.

I just want my life to be more meaningful. It's just that, I've been thinking, what if I suddenly dies? Then what is it that I have done? What kind of revolution have I led? How many lives have I changed? How many people have I helped?

I don't know.

And Al-Quran.

I really want to master it but look at what I'm doing.

The devils are all laughing at the state I am in now. It's like I'm chained up by them, and I so want to free myself. But they gave me a rock with patterns on it and I got distracted.

Ah, by the way, do you want to know what Jiraiya's words are?

"It's not how a shinobi lives. It's how a shinobi dies. It's not about what you're doing while living, it's about what you've done before you die."

And damn, the moment Naruto felt a tap on his shoulder was a total tear-jerker. It made me think how will I feel if I lost someone dear to me.

Okay that's all. Bye!

heeey

I've decided that I'm going to write about my views on people.


It could be someone near or someone far. There's no specifications. Hell it could be about an anime character hahahahha.

기대해 …😉

Habataitara

I said I wanted to write a book right? Still not finished. No progress to be exact.


I just...what to write? Nothing comes to mind.