Current thoughts

I'm telling you, Twitter is a very toxic place.or maybe just people in general. But I've been hurt too many times on Twitter that's why I said it's toxic.
I just have this tiny voice in my head saying that everyone secretly hates me. It's a bad feeling. I wish I can get rid of it. My self-esteem is destroyed by the voice. So I just logged out of my twitter account despite knowing I forgot the password to it.

I want to tell someone, like how I think I received unfair treatments from some people but I can't. Keeping this in my heart for so long, I'm worried my heart will become rotten.

"Don't you have bestfriends?"

I do have but I can't tell it to them. Because I know it's just a small matter. Like, if I tell them, I'll be just telling them. It'll be empty talk. And, so far, the people I talk to, they don't like empty talks. They want things that have impact. I don't have that. My life is boring and I'm living in my comfort zone. There's basically nothing to talk about with me.

Oh, and forgot to tell you. I made a fan account on twitter and my followers in that account are very nice. I thought because they are strangers, I'll receive less attention and decided to rant a bit. But so far, none of my rants went unnoticed. They'll comment nice things under it, encouraging me and interacting with me. BASICALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF SOCIAL MEDIA.

So I'm thinking of logging into my original twitter account and do the same to my friends. I thought I've done enough but I see it's not. Maybe I'll comment some things too. I mean, if they get shy and didn't actually want people to see the tweet then just go write in your diary la.

But most of all I'm sorry to all my followers if I was an eyesore, it wasn't intended. I really just wanted to express myself but I'm sorry if my image is just too overwhelming for my followers. and friends. My followers are my friends.

Sometimes I think I'm too cold. Like, I have no attachments. Like, if my friend suddenly says she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, I'd be "okay. cool." When I was 12, a guy legit said I was ugly and I just scoffed and returned to my seat. Of course I was mad but I don't know how to express that anger. Like, why express your feelings to people who don't care?

So from now on, I want to interact more with people. Like, what I like about them and I also have to learn how to tell people I don't like how they're treating me (I think I should just give silent treatment) You think because I'm quiet most of the time meaning I'm okay with everything? In my head I'm crossing you guys one by one off my list of friends. I'm sorry but you'll never gonna know who you are. You don't need to be burdened with the knowledge of someone unfriending you.