So what I learned earlier was there are 3 types of sabar that is :

1. Sabar ketika diuji
2. Sabar dalam berbuat baik
3. Sabar dalam menurut perintah Allah

not really sure about the third one. Sorry.

you know what? i actually dont give a damn about facts. Not that it isn't important.

Facts are very important and I appreciate the works that have been done by so many people just so that we can retrieve these facts. Facts are very important.

But it's not something that excites me.

I'm excited by the possibilities. "It's not a well-known fact yet but this thing could happen because of these reasons." I'm excited by that.

And I think from now on, I need to start writing a script for whenever I have to talk because I REALLY SUCK AT TALKING.

whether it's a presentation or just merely talking with another human. I need a script. Because when I need to talk, my brain just stops working.

hi

Helllo. This is a test.

I just wanted to test this new keyboard my father bought, It's pretty cool with the colors and everything. Cool.

And the mouse is also cool.

And the killing at 2 mosques in Christchurch, Newzealand? I don't know. I feel kinda mad and I also pity those muslims who got killed. But at least they died in a mosque. Tho it's not the best of husnul khotimah.

What message did he want to show by killing people in a mosque? In a sacred place? A place where one can just be himself and lets his guard down? A place where people gather while doing that?

I'll see what they will do to him. I don't really hope for the laws to punish him because The Almighty is the one with the best punishment.

All is me fault.

Where do I turn to in times like this? A time when I feel like flipping everything in my room upside down?
Here. Where no one comes. Where no one can see me.

In movies they say it's not good to keep everything inside. Because some day, you might just explode from the tremendous pressure.

But what can I do? Where else do I go? I feel like I don't have anyone on my side.

Sure, my parents are more than ready to listen to my problems. But if I tell them, I will just worry them. They will think that this daughter doesn't know how to do even the smallest of tasks and only knows how to whine and sit around, wasting her life away.

Yes, it was my fault that I waited till the last minute to do everything. It's all my fault.

But just once, just once, I want someone to be on my side. And tell me that it's not my fault. That I did my best in my own way.

Until when do I have to keep comforting myself? My throat hurts so much too. I have to deal with other humans too. I also have to deal with my own shortcomings. There's so much to deal with.

I guess that's how you grow up, huh?

But we all know, this post is just me escaping my own incompetence. This post is just me pitying myself. And that I have no real problem other than me being lazy. All is me fault

I honestly don't know.

It's been so long since I last wrote something in here.

So I recently read a manga?webtoon? anyway, I like how they portray a daddy's girl. But I guess, given the same wealth and power, any father would act the same. The healthy ones, not the ones that are sick. sickos. A father only by name.

It does not only apply to fathers actually. It applies to everyone. You can be something only by name if you don't have enough common sense. Like me.

My sister is very cute, I thought I'd do anything for her but turns out I don't? I mean, if she wants to eat food that I'm eating I definitely won't give it to her cos she still can't eat it but my parents would try to give it to her. I'm not saying that they're irresponsible. I'm saying, they'll try to make it possible first before deciding that it cannot happen. I guess that's why they're successful. I keep on saying no to this and that but they don't. Hmm, something to ponder I guess.

Don't you hate it when someone you've been defending turns out to be the person you deny them to be? Well, that's me to myself. Before this, I told myself that I'm different and I make up reasonable reasons for actions that I took. But I guess, I'm not all that. In the end, I'm just the person they told me I am.

I fail after saying I can do it.

It sucks being wrong.

But what to do. I'm just that stupid.

What even is pushing me to keep on living? My future? My sister? My family? God? Myself?

I don't know.

My skin

Hold up. I'm not trying to drop any skincare routine or whatever. Just that, I noticed that sometimes my skin is smooth but sometimes it's not.

It's smooth right after my period ended and becomes bumpy again some times later. I guess it's the work of the hormones, I'm not quite sure, because some hormone disorder can also cause you to get acne, you know?

What I'm saying is, if you're lazy like me, having acne is normal. Is this a good advice?

Because I find some people with even a very beautiful face and skin complains about every little bumps that appear on their faces. Well, I guess it is good to be attentive but, let's not stress over it okay?

And I am sure some will think "Everyone is different from each other so my advice is not suitable for everyone"

I know that. I am perfectly aware of that. That's why you wear the shoe only if it fits.

An update on my life.

Currently listening to some musics , but I really can't focus with musics playing in the background.

Just remember, when you're busy feeling hurt over some other people ignoring you, know that they have their own problems and worries that need to be resolved more quickly than your butthurting.

Please don't be a burden.

Lately I've been playing this game called Mystic Messenger and I have to say it's a good game. You can collect hourglasses to unlock endings and stories, and interesting fact is, it helped me become a more determined person. Because I was so set on buying this deep mode which need lots of hourglasses. You can try it too, there's no harm in trying.

Ah, I forgot, with my twitter gone, so is the access to this blog.

Look at this girl pitying herself. There's no use doing that.

I just.....I hope this blog won't be useless after my death. But I myself have to change that. Do you know how hard it is to make a change?

I've been doing everything I needed to become a good person to other people but not to my own mother. Disappointing.

2 days passed without Twitter and I've been releasing my pent up sentences through other social medias like Tumblr and Whatsapp. I think it's good riddance.

bruhhhhhh

A concept :

When a ghost possesses a human's body, that human will become like a zombie. Except that it won't spread to others rapidly but it's still contagious. So, as long you're strong spiritually, you can touch them or hold them but you have to always be on your toes because who knows when will your Iman dwindle...the ghost might come for you next.

And tonight, I forgot what I wanted to write down. Something to do with the level of Iman too.

It's just that when you do bad things, what do you think is the reason for it? Is it because your iman is low or...because you got tempted by the devil? Both answers seem right but to me it havens different meaning.

Of course, it's all related to each other like a big circuit. But maybe we can deviate a little bit from the circuit.

Last but not least, I'll try my best to continue writing stories. My skills should be like wine, it gets better with increasing age but, my wine kinda stopped aging. heeeh.