Today! Kyouwa!

Hey, you know Utakata-sama? He dead already.

*cry bucket of tears*

Anyway, Naruto has made me cry for days already I hope it's not ruining my face. Not ruining my face means people won't look at me and say "This girl has depression." something like that.

I believe I do not have depression because depression is practically numbness. Right? Is it?

But not really. My father said he has seen a lot of people that is diagnosed with depression but the behavior of each of them is different.

And once I actually say something mean about people diagnosed with depression in front of my mom and she quickly corrected me. I'm just glad that my parents are the contemporary type of people.

My parents hate hearing the word 'hate' coming from us siblings. So, if we express our hatred too much, they will quickly give us some advice. They tell us to take a look at the situation from a different perspective. We usually tell them that we hate this certain certain person, and they will try to justify that person's action but it's not that they are mad that we hate that person. They just don't want us to hate too much.

Hate is poisonous.

They say overdoing something is always bad. No matter it is dunia or akhirat, entertainment or education, DO NOT overdo something.

Yes, do not.

And it's never too late to do something, especially if it's something good. We have that hadis but I'm too afraid in case it's wrong because I don't really know so I won't say anything specific. But it kinda goes like this :

"If you have a seed (means it will later grow and become a tree), and you know that the next day is the end of the world, plant that seed."

So, applying it in my situation, there are just like 2 days more before my examination and I know I haven't been preparing properly for it but during these 2 days, I will try my best and give it my all so that maybe, Allah will pity me and give me success.

And Allah is the Most Merciful.

I know I have been lacking in Ibadah and study, but I don't really want it. The me right now is like Jellal Fernandes in Fairy Tail when he was being manipulated by Ultear. He doesn't want it but he's doing it willingly because he's being manipulated. I'm too weak if I'm being manipulated, right?

And also, the stories my father told me, I forgot all of them already. My father is indeed a better listener than my mother. I wonder who listens to my father. But maybe, he doesn't really have anything to tell either.

He's always nagging at my brother and sister for not being able to start a conversation with me through the phone but when my father and I are alone in the car, it is me who had to think of something to start the conversation.

hahah.

I think of many things. And I just wish that I won't be bringing them all to my grave.