Saturday, 21 April 2018

Claustrophobia or not?

At first I was sure that I was claustrophobic but now not anymore because I searched and it said that claustrophobic is when you feel anxiety when you're in an enclosed space. But what I felt was slightly different.

I usually feel it when I'm in an unwanted situations. Such as I'm in a place where there are a lot of people, I'm just following without any thoughts, I remain standing for too long and that's it I think.

I'll feel hot, not the burning one but as if you're wearing layered clothes on a hot day. Then it'll feel like I can't see too far. Like my vision is narrowing, I can't focus on anything. My hearing will also be blocked and I'll hear like a loud and long beeping sound it goes beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. It'll also feel like I'm under water, you know, the way all sounds are blocked. Then my legs will want to unbuckle. Is it correct to use that word?

Ah, I'll also feel like my eyes are gradually sinking. My vision at that time...at first it's still normal. But then everything gets brighter and then the brightness turns to yellow. Then I'll see yellow, everything is yellow. And if I don't find a place to sit, the intensity will increase until eventually, I'll black out. Or is it yellow out? hahah.

Then when I sit, I feel like my legs are continuously thanking me and then it'll feel like my legs are deteriorating. At that time I'll feel a little bit of pain. Just a little bit. Until it gets better again. After that, my energy will come back to me and I can be cheerful like usual again. I can even walk miles after that. As long as I walk. But if I continued doing what I was doing when I became like that then it'll happen again.

There was also a time when that happens, I felt I could not breathe. So, I look at the sky because at that time it was about to rain. But when I look at the sky, it felt so peaceful maybe because the sky is so wide and it was about to rain so the air is cooler. At least at that time it was. I took a deep breath and felt better again.

So that's it. I don't know whether it's claustrophobia or not because I'm fine with little space. What I'm not fine with is being surrounded by a lot of people.

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