2nd year

So hey, new sem started and I'm like a deer in front of a headlight.

I haven't quite collected myself yet, it's here and there, pieces of me. My mind is still at home with my sister.

My home is not my house anymore. I just realized that recently.

I have a lot to memorize and am still procrastinating. I know I shouldn't do this but laziness, you know?

It's impossible without revising. I'm gonna do it. Tomorrow. Because now is not the suitable time.

I have an idea. What about I expose my family to the social media? hahahahaha that sounds a lot like selling your family off for some fame.

So I'm not gonna do it. Sorry.

The Interview

The interview for this thing im studying.

First they gave me a situation and asked what I would do. So the situation is,

You are riding a bike, carrying an envelop that has RM2000 in it, and heading to a welfare center. The money is intended for people who lost their homes in a disaster that occurred recently. While riding, the money envelop slipped and fell on the road and you saw someone picking the envelop up after it fell down. You turned back and went to that person but that person said she didn't know anything.

So my answer was, dropping the money was my fault, stealing the money from me was her fault. So I'd interrogate her politely until she confesses (because I searched for the money already and it wasn't there) . As for my fault, I'd pay the RM2000 myself to the best of my ability. Maybe sell the bike I was riding.

Next station, I walked into the room and had to play a role. So, my role was, an inconsiderate friend who posted something insensitive online about this one friend and now that friend has cut off all contacts and gone off radar. Now, his sister is meeting me to ask for my explanation, maybe.

What I did : At first I defended myself but that clearly wasn't working so I acted like someone who made a mistake, admitted my mistake and apologized (repeatedly till that actress got nothing more to say and just stared at me in anger), then promised to find her little brother until he's found. and when he's found i'll apologize to him. maybe i forgot to tell her that i'd delete the post.

Next station is to test our empathy. So they just gave this situation with people in it and ask us to describe what each of the character was feeling. Trust me, this station was a piece of cake. And the interviewer was nice.

Next is the hardest station imo. They tested our knowledge about medic course. I stuttered a lot, shit, I didn't prepare for this hahah. Funny, right? I dived into a war without the most important weapon.

Last station, we had to talk about ourselves. I didn't do that well either. The interviewer asked what differentiates me from other people and I answered I can write things. And tried to explain how good I am at writing (when I myself know the truth) Then he asked, which secondary school you went to? and I answered. Then he said, that school got UA program right? And I said yes so he said that's what differentiates me. That I memorize the Quran and for a minute I had to sit back and think "what?"

So that's it. I admit, I got inspiration from reading other people's blogs. Sorry not sorry.

Expressing oneself

One thing I've always admired...How do you guys express yourself? How do you send a message to the other party of your true feelings? I think I'm so used to concealing my feelings that I don't really know how to communicate normally. I'm so used to being on the receiving ends (read : being nagged at)

And another thing, why is my personality online is different from when I'm offline? Which is the real me?

But those aren't really important. What's important is not being a burden to other people.

Do you know how hard it is to start doing something without being pushed? I can't even write an essay, a freaking essay, without a deadline.

That is trouble, don't you think?

And this song Silhouette by Kana Boon is really good. It's Naruto's opening song. I've been looking forward to it since I started watching Naruto. How I held back from listening to this song. Crazy how I unnecessarily restrain myself.

Look I end up talking about myself again. I've told myself again and again not to do this in my blog.
!

Waiting for a new member.

The brightness of this desukutoppu is torturing me which is why I'll just look at the keyboard while typing this.

So you guessed it. I'm waiting for a new family member. We are. And today kinda make me feel more responsible towards my family and the condition of the house. It encourages me to take care of them more and must I say I feel so happy today.

I don't know what will happen in the future but we take it slow. One at a time. We are just humans, no need to expect the unexpected or whatever. Our brain don't have the ability of predicting the future so just take in what you can from the past and present. Leave the future to Allah the Almighty.

hoho

I feel so satisfied today. There's not much chores to be done and I got to relax all I want, alone.

But there are times I feel so lonely, so I watch creepy videos on youtube so I don't feel so alone. Yes, I took that suggestion seriously.

And now I'm listening to Taemin's ballad songs. I like his voice. It's like a lullaby.

I should give up on my crush. Not that I've been making any effort. It's just, maybe it's time to really move on. But maybe I want to meet him just one last time before moving on. Because I know, when I meet him, he'll still be the way he was and I'll be disappointed, as always, and then I can move on.

Pawns

You know those times you feel like you're the only one who's right and no one else has the chance to top you in your rightness???

In those times, you should stay quiet. Or if you want to talk, just let out a bit. Don't let it all goooo and hurt innocent people.

So what I'm going to say right now is, let's not be a pawn in someone else's game okay?

Someone else? Who?

Umm, anyone who's not you?

According to Shikamaru and his sensei that is Asuma sensei, it is okay to be a pawn in our own game where we can also be the King. CAN not A MUST. Because Shikamaru said, he's a pawn and it's the pawns job to protect the King, and the King is the unborn babies that will carry on the Will of Fire.

Beautiful, right?

And wars... I hate wars. Real life wars or internet wars...




Reading other people's blogs, I got some inspiration. They talk about their experience visiting new places, they post pictures and it's very interesting. But you see, I'm a lame person. My interest is not the same as the mainstream's interest so it's very hard gaining a follower. Who would want to explore what's in my mind after all, right?

I also think of doing the same but I have no experience that I can share. And look, I tend to overwrite things.

Priority

Who needs wisdom after all? Money is more important.

But I don't want to pick a fight with anyone. It seems that I'm only willing to argue with my family and not anyone else. I can tell my family what I think is right until it annoys them but I won't do that with anyone else. I wonder why.

I put the link to this blog on my twitter profile. You know why? Because it's quite hidden. It's there for everyone to see but not everyone will see it. Because not everyone, and I think no one will want to look at my twitter profile, right? Unless it's their first time following me, and all my friends have done followed me already. So there's no issue as my friends finding out about this blog EASILY.

There is a chance they might know cause I slipped up a few times. During those times I was emotionally tired and feel like telling everyone everything. Should never do that okay? Take it as a life lesson.

And I think I want to add some thing more to this blog. Like, more knowledge. Because if I want to post knowledge-y things I have to have knowledge myself, right? So it's a way of improving myself. I think of nothing else but to feel better about myself. Trust me.

I hope I won't be too busy once new sem starts.