Validation.

What is my status currently? Do I still seek for external validation? Yes. It is not easy to recover from it.

I know. I know our self-worth isn't determined by how other people see us. That's why I'm still doing this useless art projects. Because if I carry myself according to other's preferences, I will become a tiktoker now.

Where am I going with this...Well if I have to say, I'm not going anywhere. It's just a hobby. It would be great if it helps me become a more likeable person. But I'm not going anywhere. It's just for self-satisfaction. (I intend to develop an indie game though. I don't know when will that be realized.)

One thing I forgot, I'm not one to follow trends. I just like what I like, whenever I feel like it. After all, isn't that the reason we have entertainment? Why do we have to follow other people in liking something?

And one more I want to criticize. STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. 

From every era of my life, there will be one people who felt the need to teach me how to use social media platforms. Well, given the way I worded that you must be thinking "It's good la someone teaches you. If me no one taught me at all."  Brother, that's not the point here.

If I just started using internet today then it's okay if they want to teach me. But I'm a full-fledged adult who has been using internet since before I even knew how to crush on someone. Heck I bet I can use internet better than them.

Let me give you some context. One time when I first started using filmora and edited videos about my muse that was Taishi, I wanted to post them where someone can see how great is this guy. How funny is his character in that drama is. I wanted to connect with someone. So I posted my video on instagram.

And this girl dare told me to go back to twitter? Why? Why do you want me to go back to that place where everyone abandons me? Twitter is like the most realistic portrayal of the the real life. You care about issues that seems far away from you but when your own friend who you know in flesh is asking for help, you turn a blind eye to it. You're too good for your friend is it?

And she wants me to go back to that horrible place? She might as well tell me to die, it bears no difference!

And another girl asks me why I keep sharing videos from reels on my ig story. She said I should use tiktok. Tiktok? That place doesn't allow me to share my thoughts. Yes, I know you're famous on tiktok and people from all over the world probably watch your videos on a daily basis but I'm not? Make it make sense.

I'm sharing relatable videos, in my PRIVATE instagram account with the people I know. Because I don't allow strangers to follow me. Not even business accounts. Except for those "learn japanese" account cos they wanted to follow me to gain more followers but they're not there to judge.

What's the problem with that? What's the problem if the videos from reels are fake and tiktoks are more original? 

Because I'm an intelligent creature, I followed her advice and watched tiktok more frequently and yes it's true. There are a lot of interesting videos on tiktok but I don't see how it makes the videos from reels fake. And now when I'm bored I have 2 things to watch that is tiktok and reels. Thank you.

These two girls aren't bad people. You don't have to picture them as villains. They are just humans...that seems to cross path with me at just the wrong time. I'm sure they are very loved by the people around them. Their personality that annoyed me probably is loved by other people. Just not me.

But what if they read this entry?

Well, at least they know that I was annoyed with them at some point?