Today! Kyouwa!

Hey, you know Utakata-sama? He dead already.

*cry bucket of tears*

Anyway, Naruto has made me cry for days already I hope it's not ruining my face. Not ruining my face means people won't look at me and say "This girl has depression." something like that.

I believe I do not have depression because depression is practically numbness. Right? Is it?

But not really. My father said he has seen a lot of people that is diagnosed with depression but the behavior of each of them is different.

And once I actually say something mean about people diagnosed with depression in front of my mom and she quickly corrected me. I'm just glad that my parents are the contemporary type of people.

My parents hate hearing the word 'hate' coming from us siblings. So, if we express our hatred too much, they will quickly give us some advice. They tell us to take a look at the situation from a different perspective. We usually tell them that we hate this certain certain person, and they will try to justify that person's action but it's not that they are mad that we hate that person. They just don't want us to hate too much.

Hate is poisonous.

They say overdoing something is always bad. No matter it is dunia or akhirat, entertainment or education, DO NOT overdo something.

Yes, do not.

And it's never too late to do something, especially if it's something good. We have that hadis but I'm too afraid in case it's wrong because I don't really know so I won't say anything specific. But it kinda goes like this :

"If you have a seed (means it will later grow and become a tree), and you know that the next day is the end of the world, plant that seed."

So, applying it in my situation, there are just like 2 days more before my examination and I know I haven't been preparing properly for it but during these 2 days, I will try my best and give it my all so that maybe, Allah will pity me and give me success.

And Allah is the Most Merciful.

I know I have been lacking in Ibadah and study, but I don't really want it. The me right now is like Jellal Fernandes in Fairy Tail when he was being manipulated by Ultear. He doesn't want it but he's doing it willingly because he's being manipulated. I'm too weak if I'm being manipulated, right?

And also, the stories my father told me, I forgot all of them already. My father is indeed a better listener than my mother. I wonder who listens to my father. But maybe, he doesn't really have anything to tell either.

He's always nagging at my brother and sister for not being able to start a conversation with me through the phone but when my father and I are alone in the car, it is me who had to think of something to start the conversation.

hahah.

I think of many things. And I just wish that I won't be bringing them all to my grave.

Mitsuketazo!

I found it, how I want to live my life.

Earlier I watched the death of Jiraiya's scene. And it was so damn inspiring. I curled into a ball, crying watching that scene.

But some of his words can be taken into consideration.

Then another thought popped up in my head. Is there any stories like this among Islamic tokoh?

Of course there is! I just have to search for it.

And maybe my way of life can be a little bit guided.

Your thoughts alone is not enough, do you know? There are rules and you have to follow those rules. That's why I was admitted into MRSM KoPu for 5 years. To understand this.

So how I want to live my life? I told you earlier that I want to write books right? That's why The Tale of the Gallant Jiraiya inspired me so much.

I also want to travel around writing books. And become great at whatever I'm doing. If you ask me what my life goal is, I think it's close to that.

I just want my life to be more meaningful. It's just that, I've been thinking, what if I suddenly dies? Then what is it that I have done? What kind of revolution have I led? How many lives have I changed? How many people have I helped?

I don't know.

And Al-Quran.

I really want to master it but look at what I'm doing.

The devils are all laughing at the state I am in now. It's like I'm chained up by them, and I so want to free myself. But they gave me a rock with patterns on it and I got distracted.

Ah, by the way, do you want to know what Jiraiya's words are?

"It's not how a shinobi lives. It's how a shinobi dies. It's not about what you're doing while living, it's about what you've done before you die."

And damn, the moment Naruto felt a tap on his shoulder was a total tear-jerker. It made me think how will I feel if I lost someone dear to me.

Okay that's all. Bye!

heeey

I've decided that I'm going to write about my views on people.


It could be someone near or someone far. There's no specifications. Hell it could be about an anime character hahahahha.

기대해 …😉

Habataitara

I said I wanted to write a book right? Still not finished. No progress to be exact.


I just...what to write? Nothing comes to mind.