It has been so long since I last updated. Heheh. I've been busy trying to figure myself out. What is my hobby, what do I need to do in order to survive..
Along the way I found a lot of calming music and new hobbies. So it wasn't a bad period.
Quarantine almost ended and it's time for me to return to school. That's lame. I prefer staying home.
So I'm thinking, what if I write something that is timeless. Like a thought that can be valid no matter when you read it. Maybe I can write like I already used to. You know I have an offline diary too and I wrote a lot of things in there. Just, after my fav diary is used up, I write less. Which is a shame.
Anyway, I don't know what kind of situation that is waiting for me at school. I'm actually afraid of things that are moving too fast. Because I'm a slow thinker so if things are too fast, I end up panicking. That sucks.
Oh, and I made some animation too during this quarantine. Quite proud of how they turned out. Sadly, my followers on instagram won't watch it no matter how much I promoted it. Quite disheartening. My new hobby just keep on giving me pain when I show it to others. Now I'm used to it. And I cannot stop doing it because, yes people's reactions make me feel suicidal but I feel like I'm being saved again when I work on something. The part where I just keep on using my brain to produce something. That feels great. And how I achieved my goal in the end. It's just the best.
People may not acknowledge my hard work. Maybe I'm the stupid one for working so hard. But I've decided that I want to keep doing this. Writing, drawing. At the core, it's just materializing my thoughts. But I guess that is my dream.
I think the part where I want people to acknowledge me, I think it's just my greed at work. It's not like they didn't say anything. But this greed wants more. It feels like no amount of compliment is enough to pay for how hard I worked.
So that's why I won't ask for more. I'll keep on hiding myself so my greed won't overtake me. It's enough that I am able to make it. Whatever comes after that doesn't matter. As long as I can keep doing this. As long as I'm happy. It's fine.
