whoa

I don't even have someone that I truly like right now. like whaat? Never thought that this day would come.

It's like , I've given my emotions to those anime characters that there's only a little left for real life people. Is it unhealthy?

Yeah sure but I don't see me stopping anytime soon.

pagi yang gelap, kini sudah terang

I don't really have anything to talk about and after this I'll continue watching Naruto anyway soo...

Just remember that no one can read your mind except for Allah. So, you have to take extra care of what comes out of your mouth for it can really ruin you.

Do you know why on today's world, our data that we reveal online is sooo precious that anyone that has the key to those data can get so damn rich? Because it's just the same as reading our minds.

The things that are going on inside your mind, your thoughts on things, your personal data, your likes and dislikes, if someone knows all of this, to them, you'll be very vulnerable.

For example, even me myself. Seeing what my friends post online, I can sort of guess what type of personality they have and I can adapt better when I'm around them , or, just straight out distance myself from them . Well , that doesn't sound so bad isn't it? Because you think you're insignificant in the adult's world.

But just imagine, if one day, a really bad politician desperately needs your vote to be elected as a leader in this democratic country. You're not planning on voting for that bad politician and you know that this time your vote matters. So what if someone has an access to your personal data and uses it against you? Like, they know you're short on money and you have a nice family with your wife and 3 kids. The first kid is currently in college, the second and third is struggling to enter a good college and lastly, you love them a whole lot. You've repeatedly posted on your social media account that you're willing to go through hell for them. And that's it. You've revealed your weakness. And what if that bad politician uses this against you? Bad, right?

Yeah, maybe I just gave an illogical situation but that can totally happen in a movie so yeah.

well, okay then , bye.

crossing the lines (cont)

Okay, about crossing the lines...

I usually feel like people are crossing lines when they ask me to do something for them, without paying me back in return. Yeah, I'm a cheapskate like that. Though I'm completely fine with doing something for another, I don't want to go out of my way just to help someone.

People usually cross the lines when they feel like a person is being nice to them. They think that they are important to that person. They think that they are more superior to that other person. That's why it irritates me the most when someone crosses the line.

I also can't tell where is the line. It is subjective and changes from time to time. But when someone crosses it, you just know.

So be careful and always think about the result of your actions.

And by the way, I saw that my friend is going to write about scholarships and all that in her blog. I admit it that I felt envy when seeing that but when I think about it, I don't really want to write about that. Sure, it'll make me look like I'm a reliable person if I can write about my experience and how I got where I am right now. But I realized that each person is different and how they perceive their success is also different.

And so, this is what I think is important in life. It's about what's in your heart and mind. But it kinda aggravates me when I think the right thing but don't have the courage to do it. Damn annoying.

crossing the lines

In this life, there are always a certain line that you cannot cross.

I understood this when I watched Cheese in The Trap.

Maybe I'll elaborate further when I find something to write about but right now my mind is overwhelmed by Itachi's memories I can't even. so bye.

Some...thing?

She will only tell her problem after it is solved. Yes, she's the type that doesn't talk about her fears. Is she avoiding it? Or she is too afraid of it to the point of not being able to mention it? She does not know it herself.

And she doesn't mind waiting. No matter how boring the wait is, she'll try to find something interesting in the boredom. 

Maybe they know better, but everyone makes mistakes.

When you're about to say something, you have to think first whether it is truly needed and what is the use of you saying that?

For example, if you wish to educate your children, IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO MAKE HER FEEL EMBARRASSED OF HERSELF.

There are two types of people on this world. You and the rest. Therefore, the way we treat ourselves should be different than the way we treat other people. Yes, you can endure harsh words you say to yourself and you think it makes you grow into a useful person, but do not ever think that everyone else would be able to endure it too.

I know, I've been hurt by the same thing and just realized that the words my parents carelessly threw at me in the past has somehow affected the way I act sometimes.

It was really not necessary. I disagree. You're ruining her. Please stop.

Let's say our prayer...

Doa.

It's  a very calming action. Whenever I really want something and I ask it from Allah, I may not get what I wanted yet but I already got the calming sensation. It's like, you feel so very protected when you depend on Allah. Like, nothing's gonna get you. You're safe.

And when you're happy and you thank Allah, it's like, someone is always there, understanding you. A presence that is never going to judge you for whatever weird thought you have because He Understands your condition. After all, He Created you.

And when you are sad, and you turn to Him for consolation, maybe you can't hear any other voice to sooth you, but you can hear yourself speaking. Maybe, for the first time, you are able to think that you are your own best friend. And of course, it is Allah who made it possible.

That's why I never feel the need to remember very long Doa recitation (except for the basic ones la). As long as you remember Allah is there, you'll be fine.

What a day.

Still deciding...

I am so troubled today so let me tell you about my unhealthy way of coping with stress.

I try to forget the problem.

You should not forget the problem, you should face it head on. But I'm too scared. Scared to admit my mistakes, I think.

There are a lot of times in my life where I think, "Couldn't you be any stupider?"

I try to face it but now, there's no way out. I just have to admit my mistakes and try to solve it from there on. Yup, maybe people will start to think I'm unreliable but that's what I deserve. Though I try not to show that part of me. When Allah Decides something, it will happen.

Fake news

I searched about the definition and it says that fake news is created to create a political tension, something like that.

It should be dangerous, right? Yet, this poisonous thing is spreading like wildfire in our timelines.

And usually, the content of a fake news is wasting time. Like, it's not even important nor do we have to know about it. But it's fun. It excites a part of the brain and make us think "other people also have to know this." The result is, unstoppable spreading of disease in society.

Why am I talking about this? Because, no reason actually. I just wanted to type something and chose this topic but I'm not that well-informed on this hence, the pointless ramblings.

How I deal with bad exam results.

The moment I get my results and it doesn't meet my expectations...

I will be silent. I mean, I won't talk. I won't ask people anything, and I'm not telling people anything. Usually, I wear a blank expression. And if people ask me something, I'll hesitate to answer it.

Ah wait, I'm supposed to tell how I deal with it.

Well, at first I beat myself up first. NOT literally. I just say that "This result is expected from someone who didn't give her all. This is expected. You deserve this."

Then I think, this should be normal. It's not that bad, right? At this moment, I usually found out about my friend's results and of course, theirs are better than me. Then, I'll feel worse.

When this happens, I'll distract myself by watching movies or animes. It helps me forget, at least I don't feel like killing myself. 

Lastly, when I'm finally tired of pretending and escaping, I'll end the denial stage by telling my parents about my results. You know, just face it. Only then will I try to truly fix myself.

I don't do much. First I torture myself, worse than what other people could do to me. Then, I'll feel really bad and try to forget the pain by watching movies, listening to musics, reading stories, being on clouds. Then I'll end it by telling my parents and accept their scoldings or whatever they have to tell me, it's my fault anyway. For how long can I run from it? Then I'll try to fix myself later. By doing various things that I deem right.

This doesn't really help, right? I'll try to improve my explanations. I want to be a writer after all. ^.~

Dead?

It is kinda sad, but I'm not that affected by Jonghyun's death. I mean, his existence to me was on internet. So, as long as the 'him' on the internet lives on, to me, he's not really dead. I mean, he literally died but not figuratively.

It's hard explaining this.

And I went to bookstores. Do you know why I can't buy motivational books? Because whenever I pick up a book and read the content, I figured I could write it myself.

Except for fictional books la, there's the writing style and those things.

Do I care if my friend keeps secrets from me or not? No. Because, I don't know. Maybe I just don't care. And if they don't wanna tell you then don't bother. It doesn't involve you anyway.

That's all. Bye.