Fantasy of Fate. (fanta-sea?)

To get stuck on someone just because you think that they are your fate is a bit...off. Don't you think?

To think that you worked very hard to become the best version of yourself, only for you to get hung up on someone that you're not even sure of..You're not sure about their personality and their outlook on life. I think it's a waste. It's a waste of all your effort to get to this point.

Throw away that little belief or hope that stems from nowhere. I know, we sometimes have fantasies of our one-sided love being returned in the end. And that someone actually has been loving us all this time and we don't have to look so far just to be happy. That we jut need to wait for that someone to make a move, or in other words, for our fate to reach us.

I now realized how childish that thought is. And yet I have been hoping for it to happen for the longest time. I am stupid indeed, Thank God I realized it in time.

For a good life partner, you have to assess them objectively. Not just settle on someone you don't even like just because you think it's fate.

"I like this person though he is not objectively attractive. He's not even my type. This must be fate." No. Girl, no.

I don't know what your attraction towards him is based on but if he does not reach your standard then that's not the one. Trust me, okay?

Evaluate objectively and after the bond is made, then that is your fate.

Realization.

Just had a long talk with my parents and they reminded me of why I entered medical school. They reminded me of a discussion we had before I chose to apply for med school. 

They said it's okay if I don't become a doctor after going through medical school. That's not my main purpose. My main purpose is to achieve a sound state of mind. Because, as we know, being a doctor will force you to be in your best condition so you can make a good decision. To treat people, to prescribe medications. My parents wanted me to have that best condition. It's okay if I'm not a doctor. We don't live just to work.

So the realization that dawned upon me was, that I don't need to change to become the best. One dangerous mindset that I've adopted after entering medical school is, the need to become like others. Because I thought everyone else is better than me. When actually, we are all the same.

I cannot study like they do. I cannot stay seated at my desk for long hours, writing notes. It's impossible for me. Trust me, this whole year I tried. When I was 16, I tried. But it only ended with more stress and painful tears. It physically hurt me, to study something I have no interest in.

So what I'm going to do is develop more curiosity. And interest. And probably pettiness. hahahaha.

My study method is, studying about something I don't know. And something I want to know. And I cannot have a designated time to study. Because God knows I will ignore that schedule. 

I'm grateful for the lecturer that insulted and praised me. Maybe they didn't mean to insult/praise me but that's how I perceive it. But I'm grateful.

I had to suffer for one year just to understand that being myself is enough. I don't need to become like someone else. They're them and I am me. We are different.