Your Life, Your Way

Growing up I always hear people say, follow your heart, not others. And growing up, I never truly understood what that meant.

In movies, they always show that people who follow their dreams are happy and people who don't aren't happy. I think they need to show something deeper than that. Wherever you are, following your dreams or others, you are always going to struggle. As long as you are living, hardships will always find their way to you. 

But the feel when you decide your life for yourself is different. It means you are taking responsibilities for yourself, and it will contribute to your growth as a person. At least, you won't be a person who's living from weekend to weekend. Because to decide your life for yourself, you need to have a goal. You need to pursue something. And to pursue something you need to have knowledge because otherwise you won't find something that is worthy enough to sacrifice your time and energy into.

So, it's all about taking responsibility for yourself. In Islam, it is highly encouraged to do so. Because you bear your own sins, and when you do good deeds, the rewards are also yours. It doesn't affect others. Listening to these speakers, like Nouman Ali Khan and Omar Suleiman, they always tell you to be hard in yourself and take responsibility for your own life. Don't just follow the flow. Have the courage to think and defy others, in a good way of course. When you listen to others, you must have your own knowledge prior to that, and don't just absorb things like a sponge but be like a filter.

This is a reminder to myself too, to better myself. Because I only recently had the capability to think, and bit by bit, recognizes where is the river and where is the land. Whether I'm just floating in the river or am I walking on land. And if you don't dare yourself to think, it is very easy to fall for the tricks of this world. In whatever aspects : study, friends, fashion, finance. 

Struggling.

 I just decided that I'm not good at making up stories. I put this unrealistic expectations on myself. For example, I have to be able to create a world, characters and story plots. And I have always been stressed because I have a constant writer's block. I cannot make progress with my stories and have always been mad at myself for not trying harder.

But what if that is not the kind of writer I'm meant to become. Though I haven't finished most of my stories, I have written something else. I have 2 completed diaries. I didn't document my life but I wrote things like my thoughts on occurrences that happened in my life. A detailed analysis of what was really going on inside my mind. And that is a skill not many people have.

Because I am so honest with myself. I say an emotion for what it really is. At least I worded it prettily so people can read it, instead of just pretending it was never there. Because to have an emotion is not a sin. An emotion is reaction to something, right? 

I have this whole blog as an evidence too. I am a writer, just not a fictional writer. Maybe if I start writing about stories of my life, I can make progress. Just one problem though, I think my life is not interesting enough? Then Anis, those stories that you never finished are also boring right? Cause you never finished them.

I wrote a lot. Maybe I'll read them again tonight and you know, sort out my feelings. I'm my biggest fan after all.

New year

 I actually wanted to print some anime characters so I can paste it on the wall or something but I guess I'm not feeling too creative recently. And I just decided to update something since it's the new year or whatever.

So my new year resolution is to live as if I'm gonna die. Meaning if I were to die tomorrow, will I be okay doing what I'm doing today? 

And I've decided to not hold myself back in doing my hobby. I got kinda depressed trying to suppress myself from receiving joy through practicing my hobby and the result was I had no source of joy and my study was constantly killing me so I was borderline failing my course. It's a memory I want to forget anyway so let's not go into detail.

Anyway, I hope I will be more mature in living with people. And handling different types of people. I've also noticed recently that I'm the type that's bad at planning. Earlier I was watching Tokyo Revengers and imagined myself fighting and it turned out I have no idea what to do. I would just go into a fight and land whatever blow I can. Though it's probably because I've never sparred even once in my life so it's normal I won't know what to do.

Other than that, my life is uneventful. I really hadn't done anything I can be proud of. Though if you are interested, you can visit my youtube channel. I made some videos, very original idea hahhhahahaha That's one of the thing I'm proud of in my life.

Ah, maybe I will post some of the projects I've made in this blog. It makes no difference where I post it, no one's going to see it anyway so better put it here where it's easy to find. I'll try posting later. And maybe I can try being more serious at blogging. I read a manga where the girl is a blogger and it looked quite interesting. It's not that tiring and anyone can do it. If anyone can do it then I can do it too, and if I can do it then anyone can do it!!!

That's all from me, thank you.